


Let Us Love You

by mylifeismediocre



Category: Emmerdale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-07 12:29:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14080977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeismediocre/pseuds/mylifeismediocre
Summary: Aaron and Robert confront Liv about her feelings.





	1. Let Us Love You

The arrival of Lisa at the mill’s front door was unexpected to say the least. Since all the drama with the ketamine had passed, the Dingle’s had split from one other, making improvements within their own immediate families before coming back together again. They aimed for the summer, specifically Aaron and Robert’s official wedding, but for right now, they had decided to keep things separate. For everyone’s sakes.

Liv had left for school about an hour ago, the boys had taken the day off work, to allow themselves time to relax for a bit, whilst Vic had Seb. Nothing was planned, they just needed the time out to focus on getting Liv back to where they wanted her to be, without her actually being there, neither of the men wanting a defensive input. They wanted to keep her in line for as long as they could, and considering she’d only recently turned 16, they still had about two years left of them having control over everything she did, something they often revelled in, rubbing it in her face whenever she got particularly mouthy, earning them a roll of her eyes.

Robert had let Lisa in, let her sit down in the leather armchair in front of the door, whilst he took his place back on the sofa beside his husband, confused eyes staring at Lisa, who wasn’t hiding the fact that she looked worried. They hadn’t really had a proper conversation with neither her nor Zac since everything had kicked off, so Aaron couldn’t stop the anxious feeling rising within his body, finding comfort in the hand Robert had protectively placed on his knee, watching him ask what they could do for Lisa, wondering about her sudden arrival.

“There’s something I think I should tell you about Liv, despite her begging me to keep it a secret.”

That sentence alone was enough to let the nerves make their way through Robert’s brain, something reassuring about it almost, knowing no one could see, his hard exterior never changing. Aaron, however, couldn’t hide his. It was obvious in the shaky hands, letting his foot tap against the floor, a hand through his hand, pulling at the strings of his hoody, giving Lisa that look, urging her to go on.

“The day I came to see you, to tell you I was dropping the charges against her, I found Liv in a right old state.” The older woman spoke softly.

“Can’t really blame her though, can we? She was probably terrified of what was going to happen to her.” Robert replied, knowing that Aaron didn’t want to reveal his shaky voice.

“Well, no, I guess you’re right, but she’d been drinking. As in not just a bottle of wine she’d nicked from David’s shop, she was drinking pure vodka. I made her jump and the bottle smashed, and that’s how she’d cut her hand, but she’s 16, pure vodka isn’t safe.” Lisa had let her motherly voice appear, one she used when discussing Belle, whenever her daughter’s mental health had come up in conversation. Not wanting to come across as harsh and cruel, just calm and understanding.

“Why doesn’t that shock me? And why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Robert continued, his eyes trained on his husband who was looking at Lisa, clearly worried for his sister, but clearly angry as well, knowing that Liv would be getting told off the minute she got home from school, if she had even gone in.

“Because that’s not it. I was speaking to Gabby-“

“If you’re here to tell us Gabby has hurt Liv again, I’m going straight to Bernice’s and having a word, because I’m sick of that girl messing with Liv’s brain.” Aaron finally let out, anger taking over his usually calm voice, frightening Lisa a little who just shook her head, causing him to raise his eyebrows, a little head tilt begging her to carry on.

“Liv’s water bottle hasn’t actually been filled with water for about a month. Her water bottle is still full up with vodka. The one she’s been taking to school, the one she’s been drinking in front of you two. And at first, I thought it was a onetime thing, but Gabby said it’s been happening for a while, and I’m really concerned for Liv’s wellbeing.”

Aaron was standing now, letting his hand run over his face, before moving to allow his hands to cradle the back of his head, pacing back and forth, mumbling to himself, clearly frustrated he hadn’t realised sooner, clearly fed up with believing what Liv’s been saying, when he should’ve seen straight through her. But he’s been so busy trying to sort everything else out, he’d completely neglected his job of looking after her. He glanced at Robert, who was still sat on the couch, elbows resting on his knees, resting his head in the palm of his hands, anger clearly drowning him. Robert had always taken on the parental role within their relationship, allowing Aaron to keep a fun and open brotherly relationship with Liv, manipulating her, almost, knowing she would open up to Aaron if she needed to. But this just proved how they hadn’t looked after her the way they’d hoped.

“Thanks for telling us, Lisa. We’ll make sure to give Liv an earful when she gets home.” Aaron concluded, just wanting the woman to leave so he could let out the anger inside him, wanting nothing more than to cry into his husband’s chest, because he was tired of feeling like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“I think you need to go easy on her. She’s proper convinced herself that neither of you love her, and how she thinks the next bad thing she does, is the one that triggers you to send her back to her mum’s, or that you’ll get social services involved, forcing them to take her. She’s absolutely heartbroken, and really going through something at the minute.”

Aaron was familiar with the feeling of not being good enough, but he’d never of expected Liv to feel that way. He’d tried to show her the love he never had, always opened his arms whenever she was visibly upset, reminding her that nothing was going to make him stop loving her, but just like him, she was clearly good at hiding her emotions, putting on a fake persona, convincing everyone that there was nothing to worry about, but that obviously wasn’t the case.

“I think it’s because she’s been neglected by her parents for so long, that she thinks you’ll eventually turn out the same. That you’ll get sick and tired of her, and send her away.”

Robert had never considered that. Had never thought Liv’s secretive past would impact her current behaviour, but his past was a big reason for the way he is today, so why did he think any less of Liv? His mum died, and he knew she loved him, but Liv’s mum hadn’t shown much love at all, and that’s not even mentioning Gordon. The man who had got inside his daughter’s head, controlling her actions and her thoughts. That one thing alone was enough to create trust issues, but everything on top of that was enough to send anyone into a downward spiral. He glanced at Aaron who was clearly thinking the same. Remembering how defensive she’d got when he threatened to call her mum to knock some sense into her, never really thinking anything of it, clearly regretting it now.

“I think its best if you two just talk to her, no arguing, no yelling, just let her know you’re there, before any punishment starts.”

And then she was gone, out the front door, leaving the men alone, Aaron still standing, feeling a sense of safety when Robert joined him, arms wrapping around each other.

“We’ll talk to her properly when she gets home, okay?” Aaron nodded into his husband’s shoulder. “But right now, let’s check her room, you know what, and this house, and get rid of all kinds of alcohol.”

“No one’s touching my beer.” Aaron joked, a smile spreading across his husband’s face, reassurance taking over the both of them, knowing they’d get through Liv’s little bump in the road.

\--------------------------

Aaron and Robert were sat at the table when Liv got home, pulling off her shoes, and joining them, pulling out her water bottle and having a sip, causing the boys to glance at each other, almost smelling it now they were aware of it, acknowledging the constant hangover she had, seeing straight through her ‘it’s just a headache’ façade.

“What?” Her voice pulled them from their silent discussion, realising they’d just been staring at her this whole time, clearly making her uncomfortable.

“You know you can talk to us about anything, right?” Aaron reminded her, watching her nod in confusion, clearly wondering what was going on.

“Yeah, course I do. Why?” She asked.

“We’re worried about you.” Robert pushed out, causing her to glance at him with raised eyebrows.

“I’m fine.” Liv had put that face on, one they could now see right through. The fake smile, the big eyes, noticing something darker within her.

“If you were fine, you wouldn’t be downing vodka 24/7.” Robert continued.

“I don’t know what you’re talk-“

“Lisa told us, Gabby told her.” Aaron finished, watching his sister’s face become defensive, watching the walls go up inside her, desperate to hide what she was thinking. Her shoulders slumped, watching as Robert grabbed her bottle, pouring the rest of the vodka down the sink, before throwing the plastic bottle in the bin, taking his place back at the table, watching her with intrigued eyes, desperate for her to just let everything out, wanting her to, urging her to. But she didn’t, she just looked at them, and apologised.

“Just tell us what’s going on inside that little head of yours.” He spoke calmly, noticing Aaron’s eyes on him, the eyes they’d joked as ‘heart shaped’.

“Nothing, just a bit stressed. You know, the usual.” The boys wanted to shake it out of her so they didn’t have to go through all of this, but it was never that simple, not with Liv.

“So it has nothing to do with your fear of us not wanting you anymore?” Her brother questioned, watching her face drop. “Yeah, Lisa let that secret out as well.”

Liv wanted the ground to swallow her whole, hating her insecurities being so visible, knowing that’s what people feed off of and use. She hated that Lisa had broken the promise of keeping her secrets, everyone eventually broke her trust, and she hated herself for even opening up to the woman, wishing she hadn’t, wish she could turn back time to before the ketamine thing had even happened. 

“Look, if you want to send me back to my mum’s, its fine.” 

Aaron breathed out a laugh, but no jokiness was laced behind it.

“I don’t want you going back there, I want you here.” He tried to reassure her, heart breaking at the way she was looking at him, clear that she didn’t believe him.

“Just tell me now, let’s not drag this out any further.”

Confrontation was never something Aaron was good at. Robert, on the other hand, was. Never struggling to see through people, always knowing the right thing to say, always knowing when to stop. He was watching his sister in law. Analysing her movements, her facial expressions, everything. She was twiddling her thumbs in her lap, occasionally reaching up to tuck stray hairs behind her ear, not letting herself relax back into the chair, but rather sitting bolt upright, watching them with raised eyebrows.

“Fine. Go pack your bags.” Aaron’s head snapped towards his husband at those words, wondering why he had said that, before glancing back at his sister, watching her face crumble, watching her heart break, watching her try and stop tears from falling, her eyes flickering from them to the table, before making her way to stand up, clearly ready to pack, clearly ready to leave. “I’m joking, you’re staying right here.” He finished, noticing no sigh of relief like he’d hoped for. Searching for anything in her face changing, but she remained looking just as hurt as she had before he’d reassured her.

“Why would you do that to me?” She finally croaked out, still stood up, watching them.

“Because that’s the first bit of real emotion you’ve shown us in a long time.” Robert answered, briefly pointing at her face, a soft smile upon his features. “All we want to know is why you’ve convinced yourself that something like that would even happen.”

She bit her lip, frowning. “Because it always does.” She concluded, sitting back down in the chair opposite them, wishing for this thing to be over, wanting to just get in the shower and wash the day out of her, pretending like this had never happened. Aaron and Robert’s eyes were filled with worry, and guilt, and she was confused why they even had to go there. Why they even had to ask.

“Liv, since I’ve looked after you, I’ve never once thought of asking you to go. Why? Because I love you. Because I want you here, with me, and with Rob and Seb. I want you to be a part of this family, and a part of my future, okay?” Aaron reassured, before breathing out ‘I love you’, watching the ends of her mouth almost form a smile, eyes never leaving his.

“Don’t say that.” She begged, something neither Aaron nor Robert were expecting, causing them to glance at one another before looking back at her, tears clouding her vision. “Please don’t say that.”

“Why?” Her brother’s asked in unison.

“Because that was what you said to me when you left to find Chas when I was little.” Aaron immediately felt guilty. “You left me, Aaron. And if you’d never confessed about Gordon, you wouldn’t have even bothered looking for me. You only even looked because you needed something. So yeah, you say you love me, but obviously not enough to come back to me sooner.” 

Aaron let himself cry. She was right, and he hated that this conversation about HER weakness was causing him to cry, to break down. 

“And dad said it too, that he loved me, and wanted me, and then he left. And mum,” she let out a cold laugh. “She’s never once told me she loved me. And that was the most reassured I’d ever felt.” Liv allowed the tears to fall now, watching Aaron wipe away his.

“Liv. I want you. I want you here with me for as long as YOU let me. You’re mine, okay? Not your mum’s or your dad’s, but mine. I want to be the one who raises you, and is there for you. I want to be the one who you tell everything to, I want to be the first one you come to when you have good news, or bad news. I love you. And I want you to trust me. I want you to actually let down your defences and relax, and let me help you. And let Robert help you. I want you to actually realise that you are a part of this family. Realise that this is where you belong, and that this is your home. Okay? I’m never going to send you away, no matter how much you test my patience, because I’ll always love you despite all of that.” Aaron blurted out, desperate to make his sister see sense.

“And Liv, we may not be related, but I love you too, and I want you here too. You called the police on me, was a total bitch to me when we first met, were determined to get rid of me, and I stayed, because you are my family, because people do things and say things, and I love you despite all of it. You accepted me back immediately after Aaron and I got back together, because despite the anger you still had for me, all you wanted was for your brother to be happy. I almost killed you, I put you in the hospital. You should hate me, but for some reason, your heart is so full of love for other people that you’ve never actually taken the time to love yourself. To let yourself feel the love you deserve. To explain what you want, not what’s best for everyone else. So, please, Liv, let us help you. Let us love you.” Aaron was shocked at his husband’s words, only leading him to fall in love with him more. 

Liv was shocked, looking between them, feeling love like never before. Feeling the reassurance she’d always dreamed of. Finding a home that she felt like she actually belonged in. With her annoying gay brothers, little Seb, and whatever Gerry was. She felt a sense of belonging in the first time in forever, a feeling she never thought she’d find. Like she’d been in the darkness, and someone had turned a light back on. Allowing her to see clearly, allowing to see her brother’s pleading eyes, and Robert watching her with nothing but love, watching her with nothing but worry.

“Okay.” She breathed out quietly, watching Aaron and Robert smile softly at her.

“So, will you come to us next time you’re upset? Not a bottle of vodka you stole from the pub?” Robert asked, allowing herself to nod at him, still feeling overwhelmed with what was going on, not expecting to come home and have all her prayers answered.

“We’ll be keeping an eye on you, you know? No more alcohol, no more coping methods. We just want you to talk to us.” Aaron added, smiling at his sister, who softly smiled back at him. “And we’ll also be packing your school bag from now on, so we’re sure we’re all on the same page.” She rolled her eyes at that, causing them both to laugh.

“I need a shower.” She blurted out, rising from her place at the table, eyes still on her, watching everything she did, making her way towards the bathroom door, next to the fireplace before Robert’s voice broke her from her thoughts.

“Promise you’ll open up to us more?”

“I promise.” And then they rushed over to her, falling into a group hug, something they’d joked about since the reunion, but it felt so right, like a wall had been knocked down between them, like Aaron and Robert could finally get through to Liv, and understand her, knowing her fears, and knowing her coping methods, knowing that all she needs is reassurance and trust. But more importantly, love. They pulled apart, looking between one another.

“I love you.” Liv directed at them, before shutting the door behind her, locking it, the boys hearing the water running, grinning at each other, falling into a passionate kiss. Both feeling the weight lift off their shoulders. Both unaware of Liv on the other side of the door, listening, letting the water run, causing them to believe she was in the shower. Broken on the other side of the door, sliding down to the floor. Bringing her knees up to her chest, letting herself sob silently to herself, pulling her clothes off, revealing the scars, revealing the lines she’d carved into her thighs, a place no one would ever see them, keeping them quiet, keeping them hidden, keeping them her secret. 

Happy with the act she’d performed, she let herself hop inside the shower, letting the water swallow her demons whole, listening to her brothers’ laugh with each other through the wall, a sinister smile creeping upon her face.

What they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.


	2. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert find out about Liv's other coping methods.

Life felt a little easier since Aaron and Robert had spoken with Liv about her drinking and her insecurities. Like a weight had been lifted, the mill feeling more of a home than ever before. It didn’t stop them worrying though, now aware of how good Liv was at hiding things. They could see straight through her now, could read between the lines, could recognise when she was lying, and when she wasn’t. There was still a lack of trust with her though, grounding her until she was back on her feet again, looking after herself without the help of her brothers.

After finding out about the vodka, they’d removed all the alcohol from their house, asking Chas to refuse Liv’s offer of helping out at the pub, wanting her nowhere near alcohol, a challenge, but so far, it was working.

Liv’s personality had changed, not the cold hearted girl she always had been. There was a lack of snarky comments, no talking back, and she was actually focusing on her school work, and actually attending school. She was quiet, kept to herself, only really spoke when someone approached her. Robert had picked up on this immediately, recognising so much of Aaron within her. Every face she made, the feeling she expressed, every word. Robert even brought it up to his husband, the similarity between the two siblings. Something they never thought would happen after only being reunited for two years.

Liv was used to coming home from school and the house being empty. A time she enjoyed, time for herself, away from the hectic environment of her lessons, and away from her brother’s worried eyes. She usually caught up on the TV shows she enjoyed watching, making herself an unhealthy snack, letting the past day be forgotten, letting herself relax.

Today was different. She’d had games last lesson, something she was usually pretty good at getting out of. But after skiving so much, she was escorted to her lesson, the thought of everything making her feel sick. She didn’t want to replace her trousers with basketball shorts, allowing everyone else access to the mess of her thighs, the mess of her secrets. Liv was the last one in the changing room, everyone already in the gym, preparing themselves for the upcoming game, but Liv remained in the corner, staring down at her thighs, hoping people would forget about her, hoping she’d be able to slip out without anyone noticing.

She jumped out of her skin when the changing room door swung open, revealing Mrs Mills, her PE teacher, someone she’d always kind of got along with. The teacher was obviously checking everyone was out, so she could lock the door, her eyes falling upon Liv curling into herself in the corner.

“Liv, what are you still doing in here? The game started 10 minutes ago.” She exclaimed walking towards the teenager, eyes drifting over her nervous form, before they rested on her thighs, the cuts clearly visible. “What have you done to yourself?” Mrs Mills had asked softly, causing Liv to pull her jacket over her legs.

“Please just pretend you haven’t seen it, I’m begging you.” The teen cried out, completely out of character for someone who was usually mouthy, someone who defended themselves to the end, never letting anyone witness her weak moments. “Can you just write me a note to get me out of games?”

Mrs Mills just nodded, familiar with finding some of her students in a similar state. Something she’d dealt with often in her 20 years of teaching. 

“Liv, you do realise I’ll have to call your brother?” She announced, watching the girl immediately become defensive, terrified of the idea of her brother finding out. She was shaking, pulling her trousers back on, standing up with her bag on her shoulder, twirling the lid of her water bottle between her fingertips before taking a quick sip, wishing it was vodka, but remembering that Aaron had been packing her backpack for her for over a month.

“Please don’t, he’s just got his life back on track. I don’t want to be the one to take that away from him.” Liv begged, hoping this entire situation could be forgotten.

“Okay, I won’t tell him, but I’m sending you home early so you can talk to him yourself.” Liv nodded, believing the lie her teaching told her, happy that she’d never tell him, knowing she’d been going home to an empty house, where no one could pester her or corner her. She mumbled out a ‘thanks’ before making her way to main reception, where they let her leave, jumping on the first bus home.

All she wanted to do was get in the shower and wash the day out of her, wash away the feelings of regret and embarrassment, knowing she’d fake being ill in the morning so she didn’t have to come face to face with Mrs Mills again, making small talk about how she can find ways of getting better, and what charities to contact. Heading for the door beside the fireplace, she sighed, hoping this would all be forgotten.

 

Aaron and Robert were currently sat in the cabin at the scrapyard, moaning about a client who had been particularly rude when they’d found out that the place was run by gay people. Something they were often familiar with, knowing they could find comfort in each other, laughing over Robert defending himself as bisexual, which was different from being gay because, as he’d put it, ‘there are no limits to love’, which had caused Aaron to send his cup of tea down the wrong hole, a coughing fit mixed with a laughing fit. Kissing his husband when the woman had left, finding humour within it, rather than feeling anger.

The phone ringing distracted them, Aaron’s face dropping at the familiar number of Liv’s school, confused, because she’d actually been going in, and keeping her head down, determined for them to unground her, determined for them to trust her again.

“What’s that look for? The old bat ringing to apologise?” Robert laughed, stopping when he saw the worried expression appear across his husband’s face.

“It’s the school.” Aaron mumbled, pressing the phone to his ear, answering it, acknowledging the annoyed face his husband was pulling, not wanting to go home and fight with the girl when things had been going so well recently.

“This is Mrs Mills, I’m Liv’s games teacher.” The woman on the other end introduced, not the typical head of registration, someone who’d become quite aggressive with Aaron for, in his words, ‘not looking after Liv properly’, which had caused him to be a little bit more intense with smashing cars up that day, glad he had a job where he could do that, and still get paid.

“Oh, hello. Is everything alright?” His confused voice caused Robert to perk up from behind his desk, watching every move his husband made, trying to figure out what the situation was, from the one sided conversation he could hear.

“I’ve just spoken with Liv and I decided to send her home.” The teacher announced from the other end of the line, a hint of concern in her voice that Aaron picked up on immediately, sitting straighter in his chair, pushing the phone even closer to his ear.

“Why? Is she okay?” He breathed out, bringing his hand to his mouth, biting at his fingernails, enough to cause Robert to rise from his seat, settling on his husband’s desk, reaching for the hand that was by his mouth, and wrapping it in his own, running his thumb over his knuckles, letting Aaron know he was there.

“I hate to be the one to tell you, but fortunately this is something I have to tell you, and I hope you can help her out-“

“What’s wrong with her?” Aaron asked, just wanting to know, rather than have this dragged out any longer.

“Liv’s been self-harming. Her thighs are in a right old state.” He wanted to throw the phone at the wall, wanted to rip his hair out, wanted to punch himself in the face for convincing himself that he could read her like an open book, when clearly she was better at hiding things than he originally thought. Robert noticed the immediate change in his husband, holding onto his hand tighter, mouthing to him, asking him what was going on.

“Thank you for letting me know. I’ll talk to her.” Aaron spoke, wanting to just end the call and go straight home to his sister.

“There are people she can talk to, charities even.”

“I’ve dealt with it myself in the past to so I know how to handle this, but thank you.” And then he hung up, fed up with someone he didn’t know trying to tell him what to do with his little sister, when he knew her better than they ever would. Or so he thought. He glanced up at his husband, who was watching him, clearly wanting to know what the phone call had been about.

“That was Liv’s games teacher, said that Liv’s thighs are in ‘a right old state’.” Aaron announced, almost mocking the teacher’s voice, grateful that she’d told him, but annoyed that they hadn’t rung him sooner, so he could’ve gone to pick her up.

“What do you mean, ‘in a right old state’?” Robert asked, clearly confused about where this was going.

“She’s been self-harming, Robert. And neither of us noticed.” And that’s when the tears begun to make their way out of his eyes, allowing himself to show how worried he was, letting his husband see every part of him.

“This whole time we thought she was doing okay.” Robert mumbled out, watching his husband stand up, pulling him in for a hug before the two decided to lock up for the day and head home, not even knowing where to start, or what to say.

 

They pushed the front door of the mill open, finding the living room empty, as well as the kitchen, where they’d usually find her once she got home from school. And then the bathroom door opened, and Liv walked out, towel wrapped around her, thighs on display, a breath caught in her brother’s throat, her eyes widening when she realised she’d been caught out. She wasn’t ready for the worried eyes on her, and she wasn’t ready to explain either. She just wanted the ground to swallow her whole, she wanted to run away from the problem, she wondered if the day could get any worse.

“Liv-“Aaron begun before she cut him off.

“Don’t, alright? I’m not in the mood.” She moaned, clearly eager to shut herself away in her room.

“I can’t exactly leave you alone, can I? What if you go up there and-“Aaron couldn’t even bring himself to continue, eyes just remained on her thighs, the faded marks, and the new ones. He hadn’t even noticed his husband leave his side, until he felt his shoulder against his again, Robert handing Liv some clothes to slip on, so they could keep her downstairs, not far from where they were, watching her grab them before making her way back to the toilet, locking it, letting the tears fall as she slid down to the floor, the déjà vu settling in, getting used to the familiar feeling of being broken.

Aaron looked up at Robert, silently thanking him, finding the comfort he got as he kissed his forehead, watching the older man head into the kitchen to put the kettle on, pulling 3 mugs from the cupboard, whilst Aaron settled himself on the couch, eyes never leaving the bathroom door, sitting forward as he heard the door unlock, watching Liv walk out, sitting in the arm chair, looking at him, raising her eyebrows.

“How long has this been going on for?” He blurted out, desperate for his little sister to open up to him, desperate for her to tell the truth, hating that he’d believed this act she’d put on since he’d last confronted her about her drinking. She shrugged, looking down at her fingers which she was twiddling in her lap, an anxious trait she’d picked up from Aaron, giving Rob a brief smile as he placed a mug of tea in front of her, before joining his husband on the sofa, giving him one as well, eyes never leaving her.

“Before I was even here.” She spoke quietly, but loud enough for the boys to hear, something they weren’t expecting. Both of them had subconsciously thought that she had turned to self-harm as another coping mechanism, after they’d found out about her alcohol problem. Neither expected it to have been going on for so long.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Aaron asked with pleading eyes, letting himself take all of her in, wanting nothing more than to bundle her up in his arms and protect from the world, protect her from the demons he’d suffered with.

“It’s not exactly something you shout from the rooftops, Aaron. You and I both know that.” She announced, the boys nodding. It was true, it was never something anyone just announced, it was a secret, an addiction, something someone could’ve been suffering with for their entire lives and no one ever knowing. Mental health was a hard thing to discuss, but Aaron was determined to help her like his mum, and Paddy, had helped him. Now understanding their behaviour towards him when he was going through it. They were worried for him, just like he was worried for Liv.

“How long, Liv? Like specifically how long?” Robert asked, not wanting to mess this up, but also finding it easier to talk to her, watching her brother go through it was something he’d never forget, but he’d educated himself on, read up about it, determined to be the person Aaron needed if it ever happened again. He had never even thought about Liv going through it.

“I don’t know, when I was like eleven.” She spoke quietly, their eyes widening when they had realised how long this had been going on. Five years. She’d been tearing her thighs apart, herself apart, for five years, and no one knew, no one had picked up on it. The boys wanted to kick themselves for not realising sooner, for not asking her about other coping methods when they had confronted her about the vodka, just took her word for it and carried on with their lives.

No one knew what to say, just sat in silence, an uncomfortable silence, waiting for someone else to say the next word, not wanting to mess this discussion up. The first conversation was always the most important. They wanted to know everything without taking it too far, they wanted her to tell the truth without pushing her too, they wanted her to tell them on her own, but just like her brother, she kept to herself, Aaron silently cursing himself for Liv being identical to him when he was her age.

“What do you use?” Aaron questioned, watching the walls inside her go back up, but needing to know, so he could get rid of it, to make sure she was nowhere near it, to make sure she stopped.

“Anything I can find.” She mumbled out causing Aaron and Robert to look at each other, silently discussing what they’d have to keep out of Liv’s reach, lock away so she couldn’t access it, throw it in the bin so she couldn’t find it.

“You’re not leaving my sight for at least a week.” Aaron announced, ignoring her eye roll.

Robert stood up, making his way to the kitchen and opening one of the drawers, pulling out a bin bag before making his way to the bathroom, chucking her razor into it, before making his way up the stairs, desperate to search her room.

“Is this really necessary? Can’t you just take my word and know that I’ll stop?” She begged, causing Robert to stop from his place on the stairs, looking down at her.

“Not this time. We’re not making the same mistake again.”


	3. Addictions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert struggle to cope with Liv's mental health.

After figuring her out more each day, Aaron and Robert found their heart’s breaking when they realised that Liv had addictions. She was desperate, tearing herself apart, showing nothing but disrespect for herself. She’d always been one of those people who continuously put herself down, but she was almost unrecognisable now. No longer a mouthy teenager, but rather someone quieter, keeping to herself, staying out of everyone’s way.

It was becoming difficult, not knowing the right thing to do. The boys had decided to take Liv out of school for a while, refusing to send her back until she was back on her feet, capable of taking care of herself. And they made sure she was never left on her own. Owning your own business and being self-employed always had more pros than cons. One of the pros being a flexible schedule, finding it easier to take time out of work, which both Aaron and Robert had been doing frequently. 

However, work needed doing, so the boys had no choice but to bring Liv to work with them, trying to find her things to do. Aaron had come up with the idea of letting her help him smash up a few cars, something he had found helped whenever he was going through a particular rough patch. But he ended up sending her back into the cabin, not liking her shaky hands as she held a particular sharp object, her eyes giving her away. Aaron knew she was desperate, and those blue orbs were enough to confirm that she was still a danger to herself, removing the object from her hands, a hand between her shoulder blades, a kiss to her forehead, sending her back inside to see if Robert needed anything doing.

Robert. He’d taken her to meetings, talked with investors and clients, wanting Liv to learn a thing or two in her time off, but she had just remained in the corner, not talking, sketching away, trying to ignore the comments people made about it being ‘bring your kid to work day’. It clearly made her insecure, Robert knew her too well, watching her play it off like it didn’t hurt. Hating having to treat her like a child, like she was incapable of anything. And she hated the lack of trust between her and her brothers, desperately wanting to be left alone, something she hadn’t experienced in ages.

And then Chas had come up with the idea, one day, when they were all having dinner at the pub, watching her son cut Liv’s dinner up for her, not wanting her hands anywhere near the sharp knife. 

“You always moan about not getting enough business. Why don’t you get Liv to sketch the scrapyard and print it on those business cards, get it printed in the paper or something?”

And since that day, Liv spent all her hours sat on the stones outside, eyes flickering between the paper and the scene in front of her, something she didn’t mind doing, something she felt proud of. Aaron noticed her slowly coming out of her shell, a familiar hint in her eyes, a few quick comebacks here and there, knowing she liked the control of having the final outcome.

But soon something changed. 

A client, who had come to drop their car off, had made a comment, telling Liv that if she was really that much of a danger to herself, Aaron and Robert should have locked her away, so the teen wouldn’t bring them bad business. Needless to say, she was told to go elsewhere with her car troubles. But Liv had really taken that on her shoulders. The minute the woman had left, she tore up her sketch, something that had taken days, letting the tears fall for the first time in a while, picking up her sharpener, trying to get the blade out, desperate to harm herself. But thankfully, Robert was quick and ripped it from her hands, Aaron placing his arms around her from behind, holding her wrists to her chest so she couldn’t hurt herself or anyone else. Just held her there as she cried, and broke down, the pair slowly making their way to the ground, tears falling from Aaron and Robert’s eyes, heartbroken for Liv.

It was that night that Liv had refused to eat her dinner. Pushing the food around the porcelain plate, eyeing the fork, wondering how much damage she could do with it.

“Liv, you have to eat something.” Robert had begged, letting Liv see how hurt he was, hoping something would ignite within her, trying to make her feel bad, willing to do anything to put a smile back on his face, but nothing. She just ignored him. Still staring at the fork that Aaron snatched from between her fingertips, watching her defensive eyes stare him down, not letting her break him.

He ended up moving, so he was sat next to her, using her fork to pick up some of the pasta on her plate, holding it to her mouth, eyebrows raised, waiting for her to open so she had at least eaten something, without their fear of her harming herself. But she refused. Hated the way she felt like a child, hated the way they treated her as one.

“Open your mouth.” Aaron had demanded, getting more and more wound up when she continuously shook her head, that begging look in her eyes, pleading, almost enough to break him, when Robert had appeared behind her, hands on her cheeks, pushing her mouth open slightly, giving Aaron enough time to put the food between her teeth, watching her try to spit it out, but Robert held her mouth shut. Refused to move his hands away until he had heard her swallow, letting go of her face, stepping back, giving his husband a reassuring smile. Snapping out of that when Liv begun sticking her fingers in her mouth and down her throat, trying to make herself throw up the food she had just swallowed, Aaron reaching for her hands, holding them as tight as he could, waiting for her to wear herself out.

It was becoming difficult to know what the right thing to do was. Difficult to know if they were even helping her. She was incapable of looking after herself. Having such pure hatred for her entire being, within her soul, was terrifying. They felt like they were running out of things to do. They had Chas come over every other day to help Liv wash her hair and wash her body, something they had decided to do when the teenager had tried to drown herself in the bathtub and in the shower. They had put locks on the cupboards and the drawers so she couldn’t access anything particularly sharp. They had removed any drop of alcohol they could find within the walls of their home, and every night, either one of them slept in her bed with her, terrified of leaving her alone.

When Chas was watching Liv one day, Aaron and Robert had decided to go their local GP to ask for any help, anything they could do to save her from herself.

“Well she’s clearly showing herself the neglect she received when she was a child.” Was what they were told, getting agitated that it wasn’t going to help them look after her.

“The only thing I can truly think of doing is admitting her to the psychiatric ward in Hotten General. I can send a referral, if that’s what you’d like.”

There was no way Liv was going to go willingly to a hospital for the sake of her mental health, not after her reaction when a client told them she should be locked away. Admitting her is clearly one of her biggest fears, but maybe scaring her was the right thing to do, enough to get her to willingly change. So they accepted it, requested them to make the referral urgent.

Walking through the front door of the mill made them feel the guilt they had both pretended not to feel the whole journey home. Liv was asleep on the sofa, something that had become pretty normal in her daily routine, Chas sat in the arm chair, eyebrows raising at the sight of her son, questioning what had happened at the appointment.

“We’ve decided on an urgent referral to the psychiatric ward at the hospital.” Her face dropped when they’d confirmed the news, something she had been thinking about whilst they’d been gone.

“She’s not going to like that.”

“We’re hoping it may be enough to scare her.” Robert reassured, kind of. Never knowing what to say.

 

Surprisingly, Liv had let them drive her up to the hospital the following day, not even saying goodbye when she was shown to her room, somewhere she’d stay until she was well enough to go home. Aaron had come home and cried his eyes out, finally letting all the emotions of the past few months overcome him, feeling nothing but comfort in the familiar feeling of Robert by his side, gripping his hands, as he cried too.

They wanted to visit Liv every day, something they had been advised not to do, letting her put herself first, rather than putting on an act in front of her guardians, something the nurses had confessed had fooled them before.

It had been a week since Liv had been admitted. And this was the first time Aaron and Robert were going to see her again, meeting with her psychiatrist to discuss further treatment, and an overall time plan for the next few months.

“I don’t think you’re going to like what I’m about to tell you.” The psychiatrist had begun when he had first met Aaron and Robert in a small meeting room, before taking them to go and see Liv.

“Her mental health team and I have come to the conclusion that Liv was suffering with a psychotic episode.”

“What do you mean, a ‘psychotic episode’?” Robert had asked, eyes wide at the claim.

“When she was first admitted to the ward, we were briefed on her behaviours, a key theme running through all of them was neglect, you two confirming that you had had to treat her like a child to get through to her. And with the notes we’ve compiled, and her past history, something her social worker has provided us with, we believe Liv has somehow got herself back into the mind-set of when she was little and living with her parents, just after you had left, Mr Dingle.”

It took Aaron a moment to process the information being put out on the table in front of him, all of it adding up and making sense, remembering the nostalgic feeling he had felt when he had forced Liv to eat, thinking back to when he used to feed her when she was a little toddler, Sandra and Gordon never really paying much attention to her. 

He wasn’t surprised to know they had neglected her the minute he’d left, but it didn’t stop the guilt of him wishing he’d stayed, or wishing he had taken her with him. Sandra had never been a particularly good mother. She only had a daughter with Gordon because he wanted another child, Aaron never being enough for him. And after Liv’s birth, she had simply just been left all day on a mat in the living room, neither of her parents really taking much notice of her, the only attention she had ever received was from Aaron. 

And putting all those facts together explained why she had been so easily manipulated by Gordon when Aaron had first admitted about his abuse. She was clearly desperate for parental love, desperate for attention. That’s probably why she chose to stay with her brother so quickly when he had offered to look after her, never really speaking good things about her mum.

“Do you want to see her?” The psychiatrist asked, breaking Aaron from his train of thoughts, nodding immediately, jumping up from his seat, reaching for his husband’s hand as they were lead through endless corridors, pausing outside a room. Letting the doctors open the door, allowing them time alone with Liv, noticing how small she looked as she sat on the bed in a room full of white, eyes looking more familiar, like she had finally snapped out of the trance she had been in. She was reading a book, something that showed how desperate she was to pass the time, clearing their throats, watching her shut her book, face lighting up at the sight of them, letting them hug her.

“Please tell me you’re here to take me home?” She asked in the familiar voice of the girl they’d grown to love, looking so much healthier than she had when they’d admitted her.

“Unfortunately not, just had a meeting with your psychiatrist.” Robert replied, letting out a soft laugh as she raised her eyebrows at him.

“So you know all about the psychotic episode then?” She asked, watching her brothers’ nod sadly. “I got told that’s why I walked away from you so easily when you had brought me in, but honestly, I don’t remember a thing.” Liv was clearly trying to keep everything light hearted, not liking the look of worry in their eyes.

“Liv, do you know how serious this is?” Aaron asked, happy she was slowly coming back to her old self, but worried this could happen again.

“Don’t worry, I’ve been educated. I’m on like 3 different anti-psychotic drugs, as well as an antidepressant, so trust me, I’m aware.” 

“So, what have you been doing this past week?” Robert asked, clearly desperate to leave the hospital with happy stories, rather than miserable ones. He watched her jump up from her space on the bed, bending down to reach something beneath it, pulling out a sketchpad open on a page where she had redone her drawing of the scrapyard. “It’s not great, but hey, that was all from memory.” She laughed, handing it to them, feeling her heart burst when their eyes lit up with pride.

“I’m so proud of you, you know?” Aaron spoke softly, pulling his little sister into his arms, a hand in her hair, his chin atop her head, squeezing her tightly, laughing as he let go, amused by her embarrassed moaning.

“Don’t be soft.” She said in that tone that she used whenever she insulted Robert, like she was proud of the comeback she’d made, the boys happy that she was at least proud of herself. “Speaking of soft, I’m finally back on proper food. Felt like I was eating baby food when I eventually came round, it was disgusting.” She scrunched her nose up, not liking the memory.

“Well, when you come home, we’ll order you a proper greasy pizza, let’s put some weight back on you.” Robert laughed, not wanting to voice his concerns worriedly, wanting to keep the atmosphere light. 

“Feel like I’ve forgotten what grease is. They just keep moaning at me that I need to eat healthy, and honestly, it makes me want to kill myself.” She joked, stopping when neither of them laughed.

“Please don’t joke about that, Liv. Not after the few months we’ve had, eh?” Aaron softly spoke, smiling when she nodded at them, quietly apologising, looking down at her feet.

“You two better get off.” She concluded, wanting them to leave now.

“Liv-“ Robert had started.

“Don’t want to get caught up in the traffic.” She whispered, opening the door, silently begging them to leave. Aaron handed back her sketchpad, kissing her forehead, Robert doing the same, not liking how uncomfortable they had made her, hating how she had shut the door on them, not knowing when they’d next see her. Not knowing if she’d slip back into another episode.

“Let’s go home.” Robert told Aaron, reaching for his hand.

“It isn’t home without her.”


	4. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv's allowed leave from the hospital.

It was an understatement to say Aaron was stressed out after their recent visit to see Liv, even hurt by the way she had practically forced them to leave after he told her not to joke about killing herself. He hated himself for making her uncomfortable, but he couldn’t stop his overprotectiveness getting the better of him. This was his little sister.

Robert had tried to keep the next week more light hearted, finally getting Aaron to leave the house rather than moping in silence. Dinner at the pub had been decided, a few members of their family joining them, surrounding Aaron with people who loved him, wanted him, hoping they would reassure him of how amazing he was with Liv.

Sitting around multiple tables pushed together were the Dingle’s. Aaron forced out a smile at the surprise, Zac and Lisa grinning at him, whilst Cain and Chas let their sympathy spread across their features, Belle staring down at her phone, whilst Faith blew a kiss at him, trying to make her grandson laugh.

Aaron and Robert sat down next to each other, both of them trying to ignore how everyone was talking about anything but Liv, something that hurt the boys, considering the big fuss they’d all made when Belle was poorly. But Belle was a Dingle, and they all viewed Liv as an outsider, as Aaron’s little sister, not a member of the family. They wanted someone to ask how she was, ask what had been happening, but it was clear that people were still bitter about the ketamine incident, and despite how serious it was, they seemed to forget how Liv had chased their forgiveness, tried everything to get them to accept her again, destroying herself in the process. 

It was Marlon who had first asked, when he’d finished taking their food orders.

“So, how’s Liv doing? Chas said you went to see her up the hospital?” 

“Her mental health team said she was suffering with a psychotic episode.” Robert answered, understanding that it was still hard for Aaron to fully explain, but a soft smile across his features reassured Marlon that he had done the right thing, and actually asked.

“A psychotic episode? What do they think triggered it?” Lisa asked, a worried look in her eyes.

“They say it’s because she was neglected as a child, after I’d left, and I guess the feeling of neglect after the ketamine situation, caused her to fall back into the times when she was little.” Aaron manged to get out without any tears, allowing himself to feel proud, finding happiness in the hand his husband protectively placed on his thigh.

“Neglected as a child? What, with Gordon and Sandra?” Cain asked, a little bit of frustration in his voice.

“Neither of them were particularly good parents, never paid much attention to her, never truly loved her. The only love she’d ever felt was from me, and I walked out and left her.” There was guilt laced in Aaron’s voice, subconsciously blaming himself for something beyond his control, something he had a habit of doing, and something Liv has tragically picked up, doing it herself.

“It’s not your fault.” His mum reassured, feeling himself giving her a small nod, but the guilty feeling was inevitable. 

“Is she still suffering with this psychotic episode then?” Faith perked up, chin resting in the palm of her hand as she looked at the boys opposite her.

“No, but they’re keeping her in for her own safety. She’s on an antidepressant and some anti-psychotics. It’s all a waiting game now. They don’t want us to visit often, they want her to focus on herself.” Robert explained, shocked at how fatherly he sounded, realising how protective he was of Liv, something he had clearly picked up from Aaron, something he didn’t mind.

“What happens when she gets home?” Belle questioned, knowing her mental health was different to Liv’s, but wanting to know just how different.

“I’m never letting her out of my sight again.” Robert mumbled, just as Aaron’s phone began to ring, causing him to pull it out of his pocket, looking at the number flashing across the screen, and who it belonged to.

“It’s the hospital, I need to get this.” And then he was up, out of his seat, and walking out the doors, Robert debating whether to follow, his legs already carrying him to his husband, who was sitting on one of the picnic benches outside of the pub, chewing on his nails whilst his leg bounced up and down, Robert sat down opposite him, raising his eyebrows, hoping everything was okay.

“Ok, thanks, bye.” Aaron finished, pressing the red button to end the call, sliding his phone back into his back pocket, looking up at his husband. “They want to give Liv some leave. So she can come home for a couple of days, to see how she gets on.” He explained, a smile spreading across Robert’s face. “We can pick her up tomorrow morning, and have her for the weekend.” Aaron grinned, the first bit of happiness he had allowed himself to feel since he left the hospital, since he’d left her, following his husband back inside, making their way over to the rest of their family, eagerly anticipating the next morning.

When the sun came up Friday morning, the light coming through the blinds woke Aaron up, a feeling of excitement taking over his body, not being able to stop the smile spreading across his features, finding peace within the bird song outside of his window. He allowed himself to lay there, debating in his brain what he could do with Liv whilst she was home, what the three of them could do as a family. Family. He fell in love with the sound of that. He’d already decided he would order pizza, the previous night he had downloaded a film on the TV that he thought Liv would enjoy, and he and Robert had also cleaned her room for her, desperate for her to unwind and relax in their company, allow herself to be calm, and destressed.

He picked up his phone off his bedside to read the time. 9:18am. He was picking Liv up at 11, something he wanted to do alone, Robert having no problem with staying behind, allowing the siblings time to themselves to discuss where they were going to go from here, to discuss the fate of Liv’s mental health, and her wellbeing. Aaron scrambled out of bed, heading for the ensuite, desperate for a shower, the move awaking Robert, who opened his eyes and grinned at his husband, showing that he was just as excited to throw his arms around Liv, and let her feel loved, and safe in his arms.

Robert decided to head downstairs and put the kettle on, putting a few slices of bread in the toaster, so Aaron could eat something quickly before he’d go, filling his stomach with something besides excitement and anxiety. 

And soon enough, Aaron was in the car, driving up to Hotten General, wondering if Liv would still be upset with him, when he’d told her not to joke about her ‘situation’, wondering if she’d be her new, quiet self, or rather the mouthy teenager he’d begun to know, turning out to be more like Robert than for her own good. She had looked so much healthier when they’d visited, her pale skin had disappeared, her slightly tanned skin returning, something the boys had picked up on straight away. Her eyes weren’t cold, and she wasn’t curling in on herself, but rather opening herself up. She looked better, but they understood now how that could all be a cover up, a façade, a role she could play when she wanted to hide something, the boys both hoping they’d be able to pick up on the slightest change within her persona as quickly as it had begun, hoping they’d get it right this time. Determined to get this right. They were determined to know the ins and outs of her brain.

Pulling up into a space in the car park, Aaron hopped out the Volkswagen, walking quickly towards the front doors of the hospital, heading straight for the stairs right at the back of the building, running up them, skipping one at a time, stopping for a moment outside the doors of the psychiatric ward, allowing himself to breathe, before pushing them open, making his way to the reception desk to explain why he was there, waiting in the seat they had offered him, nibbling at his fingernails before he suddenly spotted her leaving her room, noticing she was in the clothes they had brought her in wearing, talking to a nurse, who led her to the desk so she could sign something, before the receptionist called him over, to sign the leave forms as well.

Before he picked up the pen, he just pulled his little sister into his arms, holding her as tightly as he could, feeling happy as he felt her relax against him, proving that she was as equally as happy to see him as he was to see her, looking almost sad when he had to pull away from her to sign the form, accepting the boxes of medication that Liv’s nurse gave to him, explaining when she had to take them, and to keep them out of her reach, Aaron smiling and nodding, desperate to get her home.

The minute they were free to go, Aaron wrapped his arm around Liv’s shoulders, guiding her out the hospital, bending down to kiss her head, finding comfort in the soft smile upon her face, acknowledging how quiet she was, not knowing whether to be concerned, or to just accept that she was different now. No one was going to come out of a mental health struggle the same person as they were before, he, of all people, knew that. 

“Let’s get you home.” He grinned, helping her round to the passenger side of his car, waiting for her to get in, closing her door behind her, before making his way back round to his side, settling behind the steering wheel. He glanced over at Liv, watching her as she pulled the seatbelt round her, eyes resting on the metal, before he visibly saw herself shake out of the trance and plug the metal in its place beside her seat.

Liv felt her brother’s eyes on her, glancing up at him to see him smiling at her. “What?”

“I love you.” He had replied, watching as she smiled back at him, a little laugh escaping her lips.

“Stop being soft, and drive.” He obeyed.

As they were making their way along the roads, Aaron just kept watching her, glancing over, seeing how she was clearly happy to see anything besides those 4 walls she’d been enclosed in for a few weeks. The light of the sun across her face made her look peaceful, like nothing was wrong, her blue eyes watching the world outside, before she shut them, resting her head against the window, allowing herself to fall asleep, something Aaron couldn’t help but smile at, leaving her be until he pulled into the driveway of the mill, reaching an arm across to shake her.

“Liv, wake up, we’re home.” Her eyes opened, looking out at the building, her home, a place she thought she’d never see again. She seemed apprehensive, worried, remembering that this is where she’d felt humiliated, constantly getting flashbacks of how Aaron and Robert had treated her like a child, the embarrassment of her behaving like one. She hadn’t even felt her brother reach over, pressing the button to release her seatbelt, causing her to glance at him, his eyebrows raised, clearly eager to get her inside. She opened the car door, slamming it behind her, turning to watch Aaron door the same, before they made their way to the front door.

“Welcome home.”


End file.
